I just celebrated another birthday on Friday. Unlike past birthdays, this one is filled with confidence, clarity, and certainty. I know without a doubt that I will make a career as a dance instructor and producer of instructional videos. I see it so clearly that I recently threw away literature regarding other career paths. As I discussed in Small Changes, Huge Impact I now truly believe that I have control over the majority of my successes and failures in life.
For some reason, a few days ago, I had a flashback to a summer volleyball camp I went to at Penn State University on the east coast. My roommates name was Jesse, one of my teammates on my High School volleyball team. I remember we had this long involved conversation. The gist of it from what I remember was I was complaining about the shortfalls in my life whether it be my height or lack of skills with women and Jesse responded that I had control over things, and I would argue to the opposite effect and to all the reasons I couldn’t and didn’t get what I wanted in life.
Hindsight is 20/20 and as I mature I see the wisdom Jesse possessed beyond his years. I was recently sent an amazing article by my coach Eric: Your Reality is Negotiable. It basically talks about the self imposed limitations we pose to ourselves and reassures that we are in control of our lives and situations.
Here are some of the best excerpts:
Have you ever heard someone say something limiting about himself or herself that just sounds ridiculous and shortsighted?
“I wish I could get in shape, but I don’t have the time.”
“I’d love to travel more, but it’s too expensive.”
“I want to get out of debt but I don’t make enough money.”
To the person making the statement, these thoughts might seem completely true. Some people really think they don’t have time to get in shape, or that travel is cost prohibitive unless you’re rich, or that debt-free living is only for people who make a certain amount of money.
But no matter who you are, and how easily you can recognize the weak excuses of others, you’re never without your own self-limiting beliefs. Some of your beliefs probably even seem like silly excuses or uninformed points of view to others who have more informed views of the subjects than you.
We all live in our own realities.
What we believe is possible for ourselves, who we can be, what we can achieve, what we deserve, is largely determined by how we were raised, who we spend time with, and the community we’re surrounded by.
Maybe you’ve heard this quote from Jim Rohn:
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Make a Breakthrough
Being surrounded by people who have broader, more enlightened and ambitious views of themselves and life is one way to change your own reality.
Another way is to look yourself in the eye, admit that you’re capable of much more than you’ve accepted for yourself and force yourself into a period of discomfort. If you’re comfortable, you’re not growing. To change your life, you have to embrace being uncomfortable regularly.
You have to use these moments of clarity to make changes that will give your not-so-bold self a safety net. While you’re ready to change your life, you should devote part of that energy to tackling your challenges head-on, but you should also use some of that energy to change your surroundings and influences.
The trick is to upgrade your surroundings so you’ll be better off the next time you find yourself accepting your surroundings as your reality.
Make new friends, change jobs, move to a new place, start reading new books or blogs, find a mentor, stop watching so much junk TV, stop hanging out with the negative nellies in your life, and start doing more things that make you come alive.
Stop saying “gee I wish I could…”
Why can’t you?
Your reality is negotiable.
I’ve been blessed to keep the company of world class dancers, people who are touring the world and on television monthly. I’ve taught, trained with and under amazing dancers such as Quest Crew, Jabbawockeez, Jr. and Emily Alabi. I see their work ethic and it’s inspiring.
I recently made some changes in my surroundings and re-evaluated the company that I keep. I’ve noticed that when I surround myself with ppl who are better than me in some area in life, I grow the most. Whether it be hanging around better dancers, guys who are more skilled and experienced with women or people who make more money than me. I’ve always believed to be the best, you have to surround yourself with the best. Also I’ve learned to not hate, rather appreciate people who are good at what they do.
My message today to myself and anyone who is not where they want to be in life:
“Stop Being a Bitch!”
Stop making excuses in life and to start being proactive and aggressive in your life. Don’t hate on successful people, evaluate and understand why they’re successful. Keep an open mind about what you can learn from others, even those people you dislike. Accept responsibility for your circumstances in life and for the changes you have to make in order for you to achieve the life you want.